There are many types of losses in our life, but the one that cuts the deepest is the loss of a Loved One. My first experience was losing my paternal grandmother when I was Sixteen. I did not want to deal with it or go to the funeral but my father said this is part of life you have to face it and learn how to deal with it. So, I went to the funeral service and faced it but there is no mention of how to grieve this loss afterwards. I felt afraid and sad but left with memories of her and then just got on with my life. I did not realize at the time it was an important life lesson which helped me later in my life. I have had to face it many times since then. You can learn about loss and grief from books or others but I do no think you really understand it until you personally experience this kind of loss. This can be and has been a life long process for me to allow myself to grieve, know it is ok and necessary.
I married and started a family young and 10 years after my grandmother passed I experienced the loss of my husband and first love. I was 26 and he was only 27 when I woke up one morning to find that he died during the night from a cerebral hemorrhage. As horrible as it was I had to face it and somehow deal with what had to be done. I did not know what the stages of grief were but I felt them, first shock, then denial. How can this be? Don’t let this be real. Then next stages are typically anger, bargaining, depression which is the darkest days before the light of acceptance, hope and lastly allowing yourself to continue process the loss in a more healthy way.
Our children were only 6 years old and 6 weeks old so after going into shock till after his funeral, I had to put it all on the shelf because my main focus had to be how I was going to survive without him, take care of my two sons, and support us. I did not have time or the luxury of going through the entire grieving process. I did find that my sadness would come out in unexpected tears, while driving or putting groceries away or after dropping off my oldest at school. As time went on and I was trying to survive by the grace of God I found a new home and started a new life, was able to make an income and finally came to a place of acceptance. I had no time for the anger and depression stages and who could wallow in anger or depression with two beautiful boys to raise, it sure would not have been good for them.
So, I realized I could not turn back the clock or bring my husband back, I had to move forward get on in life. He could never be replaced or forgotten but hope sprung as I prayed that a good man would come along to be a good father to my boys as I felt that was very important, in my mind they needed the balance of a mother and a father.as they were being raised. A year and a half later, a man who was divorced and had 2 young sons of his own walked into our lives, he was what I prayed for, a man who took on my sons on as his own and was a good father to all 4 boys. And by the way the bonus he was a good husband too!
Other losses of loved ones and what I want to share about what I have learned about the process of grieving to be continued . I hope these posts I am doing on this subject may help those that are on the Pathway of working through the stages of grief.
We all process grief in our own way and in our own time and it is OK. BTW, I don’t usually share my personal experiences but why not when it may help someone else and that is what my blog is about. I felt compelled to share my story as it is helping me process the most recent loss of a loved one.
Just know grieving is a necessary pathway back to peace. (click on the image )
